Through this short life,
God has always known,
That I wasn’t the kindest of souls
My heart wasn’t made of gold
For I was born through sorrow in adult bones
A child born through mistakes,
With no real guidance for this world’s cruel fate
So raised this way, I became evil and nasty
With no real goal in mind, but to produce pain
I used to think it was all fun in games
What was I supposed to know? If this were all I saw
In that poor little house that brought me up,
Where anger rose quicker than flames,
where all I saw were flaws
Yet though this fact is no excuse,
The evil in mankind flowed through,
For I was no better than the man on the screen,
I was no better than the men on the street
Though I had done not half of the wrong,
The guilt consumed my immoral being,
I vowed to be better than those ignorant teachings
In my growing years I sacrificed it all,
Leaving only the selfless mortal who wanted to be nothing wrong
I wanted to show I was no longer who I was
Someone kind, who can be understood
Yet such acts come with a price,
To be impossibly kind is asking to die
For I gave my pride up, and did as I was asked
As long as I helped in some way,
I was convinced I would be okay
So they took everything I had,
Because they knew I wouldn’t refuse,
They knew if they asked for help,
I would always be of use
Soon enough I was left alone,
“Just go ask the boy whom no one knows,
He’s always alone yet no one asks why,
Who cares, really? He offers his hand to any passerby.”
Soon enough I was just a tool,
Someone whom you could talk to, or use
Yet I was the boy who never got taken seriously,
“He’s always smiling, it’s honestly creepy.”
At the time I had thought,
This was all okay
As long as I’m like this
My sins will wash away
But this type of behavior
Was not in the human nature,
not in the human way
The selfishness in life is natural,
The sin can be welcomed in,
Though not to indulge in it
This is how my life should’ve been
Now my life has become a balance,
Of pushing people off and embracing challenge,
Though I have not fixed all my ways,
I like to say I’ve changed from that phase
And when I grow old I know I will see
That the hardship was worth it
And then I’ll see he,
For when he as death arrives,
He’ll have known I wasn’t impossibly kind,
But he’ll know I’ll have tried
And as he guides me by his hand
I’ll die with a peace of mind.
